Later when I married, I didn't even think about what she said. Six years later when I divorced the guy, I thought about it a LOT. Sure enough, many of the traits I enjoyed when we were dating, were right there in the middle of what drove me bonkers. I won't go into detail, since 17 years later it still makes my blood boil to remember life with the ex-butthead.
I've since looked at that lesson with fresh eyes and it really applies to almost anything. I can apply it to friends and I see that the things I love about them are revealing to traits that are not so lovable (to me - other people will have different loves and annoyances). This works for the friends that stay and those that don't. It definitely works for any relationships.
It also works for puppies. When I first began to wonder if Gimme was "The One", she was less than 24 hours old and had just climbed over her mother to look for faucets on the other side and not finding any, made the more arduous climb back. I loved the no fear attitude and persistence she showed - AT LESS THAN ONE DAY OLD.
Later she was the puppy that was caught motoring down the hallway after having her nails done, while the other puppies were sound asleep in the basket. She was among the first to escape confinement from the puppy pen. She was the puppy that ruled the roost and told the other puppies what to do. She did have some difficulty with one puppy, but the others pretty much let her have her way. The puppy who is now named Grace is also strong willed, while the other puppies are more mellow in temperament, more like their mother. In any case, the signs of who Gimme would be were plentiful.
When I was there to get her, once she decided I was acceptable and adoption-worthy, she also decided none of the other puppies were allowed to get in my lap. When one of the girls came back a second time after being run off and Gimme discovered her in my lap - to say the least, her response was not endearing and it took quite awhile for her to settle down again. She screamed bloody murder for the whole very long drive to the airport when she experienced her first real confinement in the carry-on luggage. These were definitely signs of who she would be.
What did I expect from Gimme? I expected her to be brilliant, definitely too damn smart for her own good. I expected her to have a mind of her own. I expected her to be both very confident and very persistent, in good and in bad ways. I expected Gimme to have a Queen of the Universe attitude. I also suspected she would be over-the-top in how she approached things, but didn't really know how that would manifest itself. I already knew how cute she was and how hard it would be to resist that little pixie face.
She is ten times smarter than I ever anticipated - after all, she did invent 'sitting to demand things' after just one bite of cheese-n-cracker. She has also invented an impressive and sophisticated freestyle move that other people spend months teaching their dogs. If I want her to do things my way, I let her think its her idea and make sure it pays very well. She always thinks she is the one training me. Her confidence and persistence is a challenge OFTEN. I really have to work hard to set limits for her because most of the naughte' things she does are also too too funny. (Note the European spelling for naughty - its so much better that way)
I put her toy basket up out of reach, so she redefined her reach and then I caught her perched on things 6 feet off the ground getting into her basket. [She had already dumped most of her toys on the floor and was just waiting up there so I'd have a chance to notice her stellar accomplishment.] She is part monkey and she has no fear. It doesn't occur to her that I meant for her to not get in the basket and spread her toys all over the place - rather she believed I must have wanted to give her a new challenge to work through and she doesn't want to disappoint my faith in her abilities. I work hard to stay ahead of her. Gimme actually thinks she was Queen of the Universe, but now she is Empress of the Cosmos.
Although the signs that she would be over-the-top in how she approached things were all there, I had no clue what that would mean in our life together. This has become the area of our greatest challenge. Some dogs (Gimme is definitely one) would be a disaster in the average pet home, and yet in the right home they get their needs met and the training they need. Living with Gimme is a lot like living with a gifted child. She gives 200% to everything she does. And that applies to getting distracted and wound up as well as it does to outsmarting me and playing with me and loving me and training me. When she gets aroused, she has real difficulty getting back to a normal state. When she is frustrated, she has difficulty dealing with those emotions too. She tends toward reactivity. These are all things we work on.
The reason I often don't talk about this side of Gimme is because the terminology used to describe these aspects of her personhood have become so emotion-laden among dog people and I don't want to give the wrong impression of my darling girl. These terms have been applied so often to dogs with serious aggression issues, that they've almost become synonymous with aggression. That's not the case with Gimme and I'm sure its not the case with many dogs, though I suspect it could be if they are not taught to deal with these emotions constructively. I've worn out a few Thesaurus looking for different words that are still accurate, but haven't found any. The dictionary defines these terms as:
- Aroused: aroused to action, emotionally aroused and brought to a state of great tension.
- Frustration: the feeling that accompanies an experience of being thwarted in attaining your goals.
- Reactive: participating readily in reactions and tending to react to a stimulus.
BTW -- Ever notice how behavior problems are like weight gain? Its starts out so innocent and insignificant enough. Just an ounce here and a whine there. Then one day you notice a pair of pants feels a little tight across the beam and the whining is starting earlier and earlier on the drive. But you make an excuse for it. Must be water weight gain. Or, oh jeez, she's just excited to get there and spend time with me. Then it gets a bit worse, sliding straight into annoying. Your wardrobe shrinks because of all the clothes you can't fit into. The whining is now applied to other outtings. Damned annoying, but still livable. Then one day the airlines charges you for an extra seat and the dog is shrieking in your ear while you are trying to focus on traffic. Okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration... but you get the picture.
Hmmmm, did you ever notice that good behavior doesn't mushroom and bloom in quite the same way?
Moral of this segue -- Don't beat-up on yourself (or anyone else) for not noticing a developing problem. It happens. Be glad you noticed it before the dog-abuse-police (or the fat police) came to drag you away. Get good advice, knuckle down and commit to solving the problem and doing better from here on.
Now where was I? Oh yaaah.
If Gimme is going to be all that she has the potential to be, then its my job as Mommy to shape and mold her to adopt behavior patterns that tend toward a thinking brain. We are making headway and still, it may take years to get "there". Is it sometimes frustrating to me? You betcha. Is it a challenge? Most definitely. Is it a lot of work? Absolutely. Is it satisfying when we achieve snippets of success along the way? Without a doubt.
Do I still love Gimme with every fiber of my being? Is Gimme still my darling? Is Gimme still the center of my universe? You are nuts if you even have to ask.
You know, how over-the-top would manifest itself isn't the only thing I didn't anticipate about Gimme.
She was always too cute for words and that hasn't changed. She continues to be the most incredible people magnet. So if there are people around, I'm going to have to allow extra time, a lot of extra time, to answer questions and let them all pet her. At the specialty, people who are used to cute Dalmatians still had to touch this one - even if they didn't say a word to me. There is a quality about her that simply draws people to her.
I've since noticed something very unusual about her magnetism. Last week when we walked at Capitol Lake a man struck up a conversation about Gimme, pronouncing her beautiful. I'm so used to people wanting to pet her that I unconsciously started moving closer to him, then he asked me to stay back because he is afraid of dogs! I thought that was odd, since most people who are afraid of dogs don't even want to talk about them or talk to you if you have one with you. Then on Sunday night when we were walking, it happened again. A man asked many questions about her, said she was gorgeous and then asked me if I could keep her really still. You see, he too is afraid of dogs, but he still really really reeeeeally wanted to touch her. Gimme was completely happy to get a non-stop stream of treats and he petted her for quite awhile, saying she was every bit as nice to touch as she was to look at.
I think this means she has the gift of healing and I'm as thrilled as I can be about it. Gimme and me are having some talks about how much more healing she can do if she learns how to be a little more moderate in her behavior toward people. I'm not sure she is convinced, but I'll just have to show her how persistent I can be.
Gimme isn't perfect, she doesn't have to be. She is perfect for me.
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